It has now been six months since I flew to Memphis to spend the final days with Susie, my dearest, beloved friend of 60 years. Those final days will always be etched in my heart. We simply laid on her bed holding hands, sharing memories, me all along shedding silent tears. OnJanuary 15 she took her last breath; I kissed her and helped her husband prepare her for the morticians to take her lifeless body away… Susie, my most cherished friend, was gone…Susie, the smartest, kindest, most humble person I have ever known—Susie, a person who simply loved…
I have lost many dear loved ones, both family and friends. But it was Susie’s passing that has impacted me the most, and on a number of levels. First, simply the raw pain of losing her, realizing we will not be sharing our lives into our golden years. Not a day, nor an hour, goes by that I don’t feel that pain. Then there is the inevitable question, “why Susie, why now?” And then I ask myself now more than ever before, “how can I live the rest of my life, however long or short, in the most meaningful way?…how will I be remembered?…what will be my legacy?
My children and grandchildren are the most important part of my life. I do my best to follow up the words“I love you” with action, spending as much quality time with them as possible, with loving them simply and unconditionally. I have made my share of mistakes in my daughter and son’s lives, mistakes that couldeasily haunt me until my dying day. But what good does it do me or them? Over the years I have learned to forgive myself, to live as humbly and kindly and simply as possible in my walk.
But what about my legacy? When my body leaves this terrestrial planet, and my spirit moves on to a heavenly realm, how will my children, my grandchildren, remember me? Yes, they will have no doubt of Mom’s and Nana’s unconditional love. But what will they remember about BA Austin? I found the answer I would like this past May. I made two trips, one to NYC to see a once-in-a lifetime art exhibition, the other to Salzburg, Vienna, and Prague on a classical music tour. With my love and passion for art and classical music, both experiences touched me on a visceral level. I don’t remember the last time I genuinely laughed so much, smiled so much, teared up with joy so much…
Sometimes in life I think we forget who we really are, what things in life make us tick. I know I have. With these two extraordinary, magical experiences I found “me” again. I am a person who is passionate about laughter, passionate about being quirky, laughs until I cry. I am a person who is passionate about art and music, who deeply “feels” the beauty of certain classical music and art masterpieces. I am a person who breathes in beauty around me. I am a person who simply enjoys just “being”. Each are a taste of the divine. Yes, I pray this will be my legacy…
